Not Many Understand

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Not many understand what it is like to have a story floating in your head, or the need to share it. Not many understand how much that story is a part of your soul. It is one of the things that make you- You. Not many understand how hard it can be to put your heart out for complete strangers to examine. Not many people understand what it is like to have fought your true calling for years because it is an unrealistic dream. Not many understand trying to fit into jobs that kill your soul and make you feel like a failure. Not many understand what it is like to be a writer. But, S.E. Gordon does. In one short post, he manages to explain exactly how I feel about my need to write.

This Fear by S.E. Gordon

My confession?

I’ve failed at everything I’ve tried.

Except this.

Stupid. Worthless. Loser. How many times have people hurled these words like stones?

But I’m not made of glass. There’s stronger stuff below; a belief that runs right to the core.

I am destined for greater things.

My words will change the world.

Let the legions cast their venom; they do not know me.

Let the critics sneer; the joke is ultimately on them.

I know I can do this. A writer I am meant to be.

Forget about the past failures; they’ve made me who I am. The external world does not faze me; the real challenge lies deep within.

This fear. I must get over it.

What will they see when I am finally revealed? Will they give me a chance? Identify with me?


It does not matter.

They will see I am just like them.

Full of hope. Conviction. Dreams.

And that is all that matters.

I need this, I must confess.

I must find a way to make this work. Find a way to finish. Only then will they see the masterpiece underneath.

I will put myself before them. The entire tapestry, not just a shred of cloth. Myself. My whole self.

I refuse to cower. Refuse to give up.

This fear…just a fool’s errand…

Words echo inside me, fire threaded destiny. Can’t hold them back any longer.

Then I realize what’s gnawing at me.

These words, flowing so beautifully. Such emotion, raw and pure. My one talent, my only talent, please don’t let me screw this up.

I take a deep breath. Calm my mind. And ride the lightening.
This lingering fear is vapor.

I am ready for the next step.
And just in case you missed the link above- You should check out his blog. Not only is he full of motivation, he is a damn good writer, currently working on a Vampire Thriller titled Enura. ( <--- Keep your eyes open for this one ladies and gentleman. These vampires are the real deal.) He also has several humorous (read: crazy, laugh so hard you cry) parodies.
Thanks for sharing this with us, Scott. You are made of Awesome!


  1. Great post Nichole *Sniff* You and Scott have me in tears tonight....Oh and why didn't you point out that I wasn't following your blog??? I don't know how I missed one of my favorite writer. *Palm to forehead*

  2. Oh Nichole! Your post is beautiful!

  3. Equally poetic words, Nichole. Once again, you leave me speechless...

  4. Wenona, I didn't realize! I am following your blog, aren't I? I keep realizing that I am missing people.

    Scott, you speechless? Noooo. Not possible.

    Hugs to (((Belinda))) my sobbing buddy! Have I told you that On My Own makes me tear up everytime I hear it? Lol!

  5. Amazingly written - by both of you. I can relate!


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